Diary of a Research Cat: Picking a 'subject'

I has a ver keen interest in infearior, inphearior, in... bugger... lesser species. Some how though there has been a ver big mistake in meh life, and fur some reason I is finding myself living in captivity like some common criminal. I do believe I may have been born into captivity. What is ver bad though is that some idiot put two hughmans in charge! Rediculous. But I has to obey them because they is also the only ones who can open teh cans, and whoever it is who has trapped meh here has cruely put all my supplies in cans and bags. I also has three ver silly kat inmates who live with meh. The white one, which they call Dinah seems to get favourable treatment and is often called "Princess". I don't like this, I has no title. This has disturbed meh, so I tried proving meh superiority by beating her up... but that made the two puny hughmans ver angry. Not a good tactic it seems. There is also a small kat called Poppy. She is clearly ver mad. I think it might be a ploy though to convince our cruel captors that she is ver insane and should be removed from this hellish existence. If this ploy works I might have to copy her tactics. This Poppy might not be as stoopid as she looks. The third kat is a ginger kat and goes by teh name Macca or Macavity. I does not trust this kat. He is looks like a kat and eats with us, but I think he is in cahoots with teh two hughmans. He refers to teh male one as "teh master" and seems to enjoy his existence far too much. I intend to keep meh eyes on that one.

Trying to communicate with a "miniachore"

As I is a research kat I watched meh fellow captive kats fur a while now. I has even tried to convince them that we could escape this prison. But I fear they has become institatushionalised, instertutionalised... damn it... used to living in captivity. So much so that I think they likes it now. Strange. So I is clearly having no allies in meh plans to escape this hell. These other kats have proved useless to meh, and so I has decided to turn meh attentions to teh hughmans after two failed years on teh other kats. It is meh belief that they holds teh key to meh freedom. I has seen them leave this prison through the portal they call a "daw". They then come back sometime later through this "daw". There is clearly some primitve ritual involved in commanding this "daw" to open and close. I thearise, fearorise... stoopid language... I thinks that if I study them long enough I will be able to collate enough infomation to be able to open the "daw" fur mehself. Clearly the land beyong teh "daw" is a wonderous place where cans of food are plenty, as they often come back with such food. Although I will write more on the terrible segregation in this prison when it comes to eating. Lets just say we kats are forced to eat off of teh floor, while they have "traas" and "tabulls". Ver undinified. This is what I have learned about teh two hughmans:
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